And Lo it is written that on the eighth day God created Monster and on that monster he bestowed upon him the power of the Ultimate Cookie an uncanny ability to devour and indulge in debaucherous activities leaving nothing but crumbs in it`s wake.

In the years that followed God unwisely realized the error of his ways and a subsequent fall from grace for the monster became apparent. We do not know from the ancient Sumerian scrolls the magnitude of the Cookie Monsters crimes however we can assume that they were so horrendous to these ancient infidels that no man would dare commit those words in stone lest other men gaze upon them and expire with the horror of it all.

In the millennia that followed it is believed that the monster has roamed the four corners of the earth adopting various guises. Historians unanimously agree that one of these guises was the pre-christian pagan God of northern Europe known as `The Lord of this world`, `Pan` and the Green Man`, granted that the Monster is actually blue it is believed that the ancient pagans were actually colour blind ! One of the traits of this God was for his followers to eat, shag and get pissed on a Saturday night. ( fact, not made up ). Clansmen were thought to be looked upon favourably for their debauched activities. The monster is also believed to have visited the then pleasant cities of `Sodom` and `Gammorah` and shown the residents the error of their ways !

A few years ago Iron ( or should we call him lead these days ! ) Mike Tyson is thought to have been possessed by the almighty monster whilst fighting Evander `the real meal` Hollyfield in the USA. This resulted in Tyson developing an unholy ( field ! ) hunger for the funny little ears of his opponent, which happen to be shaped like cookies !

Today traces of the Cookie Monster can still be found as a virus devouring the `cookies` on computer hard drives the world over. Also it is thought that he was the inspiration behind the politically correct `Monster Raving Cookie Party`.

As a homage to our mentor, `Dimebag does Dallas` have resurrected a Cult to this great Monster ( unquestionably our devine lord and master ) in order to show the people of this world the error of their boring ways. We will admit that we are not fit to kiss the crumbs in his wake however he is our Lord and master and we WILL WORSHIP HIM, `um num num, um num num`.

Further evidence of the almighty monster through the ages:

It has been brought to our attention by brother `Self Raising Sansum` that the cookie monster actually has had a passage accessable to him throughout the ages to the underworld below ( his highway to hell ). Apparantly this can be found on an island in Lough Dergh in Ireland and goes by the name of St Patrick`s Purgatory, St Patrick being the first person to travel this dark path was persued and promptly mugged by the Cookied one on the way as he made his way to Satan`s house for tea and cookies. Many travellers on this path are said to have not survied the horror`s of our Lord Cookies brutal yet jovial mugging let alone actually make it to Satan`s house.

These days the island is now a holy place of Catholic vigils, don`t ask us why, it just is !

But as to how the family bacame what it is today:

For many centuries the Lord Cookie roamed the universe, bestowing his infinite wisdom and the wonder of cookies to many different beings and races. One bright sunny day in October 1972 he returned once again to planet Earth, and stopped for a moment in a town called Maidstone. There he witnessed the joy of birth. To the proud mother he said "Behold! A child is born. I shall eat this packet of biscuits in celebration and sprinkle the leftovers upon your baby's brow. He shall therefore become the Son of Cookie and he shall be named Crumbs!". And this he did.

The multitudes of people on Earth also heared his words and rejoyced. Three wise managing directors came to Crumbs two nights later and each gave him a gift. The first gave him a packet of hazelnut cookies, the second gave him a packet of chocolate chip cookies, and the third a packet of toffee apple cookies. The Lord Cookie was pleased with these gifts to his son, but when Crumbs vomited after eating the hazelnut cookies (he was born with a nut allergy), Lord Cookie smote the first managing director in righteous anger and punished him by sending him to work in a custard cream factory, a quite inferior species of biscuit.

Then the Lord Cookie turned to his son with a sad smile and said "Oh crumbs, now i must leave you to make your own way in the world. It will be a rocky path for you but 28 years from now you will meet four others who will help you in your quest for tasty biscuits, and these four you will name as the Disciples of Cookie." So saying, he left.

In the year 2001, the Lord Cookie's prophecy came true. In the city of Bristol, Crumbs met with four people called Gobz Ombie, Xyko, Jonny Kaos, and Self Raising Sansum - forever known as the Disciples of Cookie, though Crumbs is currently thinking of changing the collective name to Five Cookies Of The Apocalypse. They have formed a band and will be coming to spread the word of the Lord Cookie to you soon. 'Til then, keep up the faith.